On the way home yesterday, we passed many lakes with small shorelines..and I saw men out there fishing. It reminded me of when Pawpaw would gather up all 500 of us grandkids, get as all in the back of that awesome grey and burgeny truck, and drive approximately 100 mph (thats what it felt like to me) on those old country roads. From what I remember, it seems we ended up at "unknown" lakes and Pawpaw would make us swim. Yeah, I think he made us. I dont think it was a choice to sit on the shore wondering what the heck was swimming in those lake waters. I also remember that in the truck on the way to the unknown lakes, we would hit bump after bump which would in turn slam our backs onto the side of the truck that hurt like a mother. Right?

Also, remember the time we ALL (when every single person threw up) went deep sea fishing and we chanced upon that small island? I remember not wanting to swim to it, because you could look down and see 1000 jellyfish swimming around. And then I remember paw paw picking me up by my life jacket and throwing me in the ocean, and said I wasn't allowed to climb back on to the boat...so I swam to the island. Getting hit by jellyfish stingers all along the way. So there I was, sitting on the island, crying cause my leg was STINGING and I remember Pawpaw jumping out of the boat and swimming to me and rubbing sand on my leg (which supposedly helped with the stinging). All it did was make my legs raw, cause pawpaw didnt do anything gentle.


It was hard to say goodbye to Pawpaw. Especially at the viewing. It didn't look like him. It looked like a wax museum Pawpaw. I did what I could to avoid the front of that room. It wasn't the Pawpaw I remembered. But I felt like he was honored greatly as the funeral. I cried and cried, but I think they were tears of....something. Not exactly sadness, not joy either. Just tears. Like love for Pawpaw just flowing down my cheeks.

I remember the night before Maclaren came out to play Finally Home on the guitar. He only knew the music at this point, and it made me cry. To me the music just sounded like Pawpaw. Visions of him danced before my eyes. It was very moving to me. I even think Olivia got it. I was holding her and she was squirming and squirming and when Maclaren started playing she just stopped and listened in what looked like awe. It is something I will always take with me from this week. I think Pawpaw knew what was happening at that moment. I hope he did, anyways.

Tuesday night Memaw was cleaning out all of Pawpaws clothes. I had the privelege of selecting anything I wanted to take that reminded me of him. I found this killer wool plaid tie and immediately my heart jumped. It reminded me of a plaid shirt that in my mind, Pawpaw had on everytime I saw him. It was so neat to be able to take something of him home with me other than just memories.

I miss him.