The memorial service went so good friday night. I got up and said something to honor paw paw because I knew if I didn't I would regret it for the rest of my life. I struggled a lot with what to say. How do you honor a man so great in two minutes? I have had two or three people ask me to blog what I said and I will soon.
The memorial service felt like a final goodbye to me and I was an emotional wreck the last half of the day Friday. I have had emotional highs and lows all week. I feel like I think about him all the time. I try to distract myself and think of cleaning or cooking but my thoughts always go back to him. I want to make him proud. Really proud. I haven't done anything great in my life and I don't have any outstanding qualities that I can really be proud of. I am just a plane jane. I have always been ok with this until now. I feel as though I am his heir and I should have greatness bread into me. Not the kind of greatness that I wear around town and boast about but the kind that makes Ralph Woerner proud of me. The only thing I can think of is that I love to write. I love it. If I had my way I would move to the beach...or paw paw's property! I would write all the time. Children's books, poems, womens books. I love to write. I admit that my skills could improve quite a bit but I love to write. I feel like i have so much inside me that needs to get out. This is like my paw paw. He was a great writer.The only other thing I can think of that I would really love to do is work his land. I love his land. I love farming. I would love to take care of that beautiful piece of land. Even when I walk it I feel so alive. I have committed to finding my passion and pursuing it. I have even told the church I can't work nursery anymore because I feel I am doing it out of obligation and I want to serve out of passion. I am praying that God will reveal my true passion and give me means of pursuing it. I just want to serve Jesus and make my paw paw proud. His life was serving Jesus with everything he had and serving in his passionate areas. I want to be like my paw paw. His death has stirred something on a very deep level.
5 comments:
write , write and write. sometimes we wait till everything falls into place but use whatever moments you have to do what you are passionate about. schedule time and keep that commitment to yourself. let this time be a defining moment in your life. just b/c we are passionate about something doesn't mean it won't take planning and hard work.
just begin anything that moves you toward your passion.
i know god is going to use your voice to proclaim him. i love you girl. elaine
I couldn't agree with you more, mom.
Find those things that bring you to life JoJo and create space in your life to be about those things.
Joanna, i have just finally gotten to the blog and yours is the first post I read and I am already in tears! Follow your heart, your passion. I too am deeply moved and stirred by Paw Paw's death and want to do more, reach higher, be better. I love you. Aunt Pam
"I haven't done anything great in my life and I don't have any outstanding qualities that I can really be proud of. "
Well of course I must make an objection to this tragic sentence. I won't make this post too long... but i will suffice it to say that marrying that great man you got, birthing two children of your own, taking in a child that needs a loving home, daily taking up your cross to follow Jesus.. all those things are qualities that are excellent!
Joanna, everyday that you walk with Jesus, everyday that you wake up, ask for his guidance, trust for His provision and rely on His strength is a day that you have glorified your Father and made Ralph "proud."
It is in the "little" things that you achieve excellence. You eat, drink, change that diaper, clean up that throw up, cook that dinner, wash those clothes, clean that toilet and generally pour yourself out as a drink offering to the Lord.. all for the Glory of God THAT, my dear sister, is the GREAT life and the qualities that a woman of character possesses.
Oh.. and please write your little heart out! And let me read too! I bet its great stuff.
being great has nothing to do with what you accomplish, it has everything to do with what you are.
cultivate your inner beauty,get in touch with who you are, what you believe, what you stand for. many people go "great things" that are noticed by the world. many people do "great things" and are never noticed.
it's "great" to be honest, to be generous, to be gentile, to be self-controlled, to be patient, to forgive, to bless and encourage, etc.
be great!! in my opinion you are well on your way.
and write, write, write and share it with me. i love you, ak
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