Thoughts of You

It is no surprise that as the Thanksgiving holiday comes around my thoughts are on my paw paw and my uncle Harold. I will be in Elberta this year, for the first time ever on Thanksgiving and I can't imagine a better place to be.
I am aching to walk the land my Paw Paw walked. I am aching to breath the air that so refreshes my soul. I long to look into the sunrise and smile back at the same God who smiled on my Paw Paw's life.
I miss him terribly.
I feel so privileged to have been a part of something so wonderful.
When I think about him, the image that comes to my mind is a nappy curly haired little girl dancing on the shoes of a man she adores. He leads her around the room grinning uncontrollably and she knows nothing exist beyond the gentleness of his love.
Paw Paw, I am getting older now. I am 29 and not 5. But when I think of you I will always be that little girl being led around the ball room on her paw paw's shoes. You gave me such a wonderful gift when you loved me like this. I could not be more thankful for your life or that I was so blessed to be a part of it. You are precious to me. Your memory is precious to me.
I wonder what you do in heaven while we are stuffing our faces with Turkey. Obviously you would not celebrate Thanksgiving in heaven. What are you celebrating Paw Paw? What are you talking to Jesus about? Are you and Harold pole fishing? I miss you so much it hurts sometimes. But even in the pain, I can't help but smile because that is how I remember you...smiling, lovingly looking at me and smiling, beckoning me to climb in your lap so you could hold me close.
I love you ol' man. I can't wait to hug you again.
Harold,
I miss you so much. I miss you screaming my name "DANNER!!" You always could make me smile and laugh. I hate the way you left this world. It felt so premature and even now when I think of it, it is like rubbing sand paper on my heart. But I remember how peaceful you looked, just months before you left us. We were in your house listening to Josh Groban, Jesus Joy of Mans Desiring. You titled your head back and closed your eyes and you looked as if you were already face to face with Jesus. Complete peace washed your face. I know that you struggled in your life, with more that I can understand, but I want you to know that you were loved. You are missed.
I can't wait to see you again. Are there cats in heaven? Do you remember Toonsis the driving cat? We laughed so hard about that. We always laughed hard together.

I miss you both so much. I am sure I will stop by your grave while I am in Elberta. I know you are not really there, just your physical body, but it helps me to remember you and remember that though you suffered during the last stages of your life you are not suffering now.
My favorite saying is by Amelia Barr "Time is a very precious gift of God; so precious that it's only given to us moment by moment"

Your moments were precious to me and I will treasure them in my heart always. I love you both so very much.
Joanna