Thoughts of You

It is no surprise that as the Thanksgiving holiday comes around my thoughts are on my paw paw and my uncle Harold. I will be in Elberta this year, for the first time ever on Thanksgiving and I can't imagine a better place to be.
I am aching to walk the land my Paw Paw walked. I am aching to breath the air that so refreshes my soul. I long to look into the sunrise and smile back at the same God who smiled on my Paw Paw's life.
I miss him terribly.
I feel so privileged to have been a part of something so wonderful.
When I think about him, the image that comes to my mind is a nappy curly haired little girl dancing on the shoes of a man she adores. He leads her around the room grinning uncontrollably and she knows nothing exist beyond the gentleness of his love.
Paw Paw, I am getting older now. I am 29 and not 5. But when I think of you I will always be that little girl being led around the ball room on her paw paw's shoes. You gave me such a wonderful gift when you loved me like this. I could not be more thankful for your life or that I was so blessed to be a part of it. You are precious to me. Your memory is precious to me.
I wonder what you do in heaven while we are stuffing our faces with Turkey. Obviously you would not celebrate Thanksgiving in heaven. What are you celebrating Paw Paw? What are you talking to Jesus about? Are you and Harold pole fishing? I miss you so much it hurts sometimes. But even in the pain, I can't help but smile because that is how I remember you...smiling, lovingly looking at me and smiling, beckoning me to climb in your lap so you could hold me close.
I love you ol' man. I can't wait to hug you again.
Harold,
I miss you so much. I miss you screaming my name "DANNER!!" You always could make me smile and laugh. I hate the way you left this world. It felt so premature and even now when I think of it, it is like rubbing sand paper on my heart. But I remember how peaceful you looked, just months before you left us. We were in your house listening to Josh Groban, Jesus Joy of Mans Desiring. You titled your head back and closed your eyes and you looked as if you were already face to face with Jesus. Complete peace washed your face. I know that you struggled in your life, with more that I can understand, but I want you to know that you were loved. You are missed.
I can't wait to see you again. Are there cats in heaven? Do you remember Toonsis the driving cat? We laughed so hard about that. We always laughed hard together.

I miss you both so much. I am sure I will stop by your grave while I am in Elberta. I know you are not really there, just your physical body, but it helps me to remember you and remember that though you suffered during the last stages of your life you are not suffering now.
My favorite saying is by Amelia Barr "Time is a very precious gift of God; so precious that it's only given to us moment by moment"

Your moments were precious to me and I will treasure them in my heart always. I love you both so very much.
Joanna

Nothing to Say

RW was a man who helped families say goodbye. As a pastor, he was familiar with death and funerals. I wonder how many funerals he officiated. I wonder what he felt as he prepared for his first funeral. I have no doubt these events impacted him. He was a deep thinker. I can't imagine he would summarize someone's life without really processing the truth, the legacy, the meaning of the life that had passed.
Today I am reading through old notes, quotes, and comments that I keep handy. I came across and email from Jon Mitchell, sent to me in February of 2006. He had stumbled on the written text of a eulogy that RW gave for one of his friends.

"When some men come to the end of their way and their last rights are spoken, it is necessary to dress up their eulogies as much as permissible to make things look as good as possible. When other men die, a simple honest statement of the facts is sufficient for the good lives they lived. When other men die, words fail. The human language is not sufficient to express all that ought to be said.
Words cannot be framed that are adequate enough to express how noble has been the life which has been plucked from among us."

RW, you have been gone for years now. Yet your impact on my life still shapes the ebbs and flows of my days. I still miss you. And when I hear of great men, I still measure their greatness by you. Your life is one of those where "words fail." And beyond the words that you penned, there really is nothing to say.

Cherishing the Experience

I know it's been ages since anyone posted on this blog. No memoirs, or reasons to be sad. That in and of itself is good. I'm glad that our family can be happy in the fact that we haven't lost Ralph, but that he's just done what he often did while still alive: waiting for us to come along.

I have been going through a hard time today, and I began to wonder what he would tell me if I shared how I felt. I wondered what insight he might have had, or if he would have just sat there and listen.

The truth is, I am jealous of all of those who got to know RW in a way I never could, and now never can. The RW who would wrestle with Richard; the RW who was so full of life and jibe, that you thought he would never wear out. I've heard so many stories, but I did not get the experiences. Those who have them, cherish it, and don't take it for granted.

I guess that's really all there is to say in this case.

Grace and Peace