What was he thinking?

Before PawPaw's stroke, there was one question that we never had to wonder about - "what was PawPaw thinking?"  There was no mystery- he'd let ya know flat out what he was thinking and what his opinion was about a particular subject, even if it hurt your feelings a tad.  

In my adult years, I have really come to appreciate that quality in people.  I like to know that when I leave the conversation- the air is clear and everything was said.  I am glad PawPaw spoke his mind and gave us an opportunity to speak ours as well.  

I remember one time, in high school, I was really disappointed with a decision PawPaw made.  I decided to write him a letter and express my disappointment to him.  I had no idea how he would respond, all I knew was that in our relationship, he had given me enough confidence to speak my mind- even when I was expressing disagreement or hurt.  It wasn't long at all, when a letter arrived in our mailbox in response to mine.  I have to be honest and admit, it wasn't quite the response I was looking for.  I thought for sure he'd take my side :), but it was clear that he didn't.  I remember I shed a few tears as my pride was wounded and I was hurt, but the situation turned out so much better than I could have anticipated at that time and perhaps PawPaw had enough wisdom to see further into the future than I could with my selfish little high school brain.  

After PawPaw's strokes, one of the hardest things for me was how quiet PawPaw became.  The fierce communicator who spoke his mind to anyone, had become quiet and reserved.  No longer did I know what was churning in that mind of his- and that made me sad.

The most vivid memory I have of this was the summer I went to Mongolia.  The summer before my Senior year of college, I spent almost 6 weeks in Mongolia.  It was an INCREDIBLE time but boy was I glad to be returning home after being so far apart from family, with limited communication at times.  I had quite a long layover in Los Angeles before my last leg of the journey to B'ham.  I was sitting on my carry on, soon after deboarding the plane trying to get in touch with my mom to let her know that I had made it to L.A. when all of a sudden I heard a "SOMEBODY SHOUT HALLELUJAH!"  I looked up and was absolutely stunned to see my dad walking toward me!  I just burst into tears and couldn't even speak.  I hadn't been in America more than 1 hour when I was wrapped in the loving arms of my dad.  He had used his sky miles to fly out to L.A. just to meet me at the airport and fly back with me.  We had an overnight flight and were scheduled to arrive in Bham early the next morning.  My mom and Memaw planned to have a breakfast at Memaw and Pawpaw's on the way home from the airport and all the family that was in town at the time came.  It was an awesome reception and they wanted to hear about what I thought when I saw my dad show up at the L.A. airport. 

 As I was telling the story, I looked down to the head of the table at my precious PawPaw, and there were tears streaming down his face.  In that moment, I was overwhelmed with an intense feeling of love for him-  I will NEVER forget that moment for as long as I live.  Although he spoke no words- the tears I saw communicated a million things to me.  I felt like I saw a glimpse of his heart- his sweet, tender, loving, compassionate, family- oriented heart. Although I will never know for sure what he was thinking- I like to imagine I know and it makes me love my Pawpaw even more.